One liners you can tell your Grandmother. 🥁

[Malum0ne]

I asked my wife if I could borrow some of her sleeping pills.
She said, “Sure knock yourself out.”  🥁

I was going to wear my camouflage pants... but, I couldn’t find them. 🥁

I like camouflage jokes. You know why?
You don’t see them coming! 🥁

I saw a sign the other day that said: “Don’t even -THINK- about parking here.
So, I parked there without even thinking about it. 🥁

 

Do you know the difference between a Hoover and a Harley?
The position of the Dirt-Bag. 🥁

 

I was driving through a construction zone and there was a sign that said: “Speed Limit 35 ahead”
And there were 4 of us.
So, we got through there in no time.
Good thing I wasn’t driving a bus!    🥁

My doctor told me I was a kleptomaniac. 

So, I’ve been taking a lot of stuff for it. 🥁
 

I had an appointment next week with my psychic Guide. 

But, she called me and told me I wouldn't be able to make it. 🥁

 

Apparently, I have a pretty nice waist.
The other night I was at a club talking to this woman
When I was walking away she turned to her friends and said what a waste!  🥁

 

[Efros]

One from my youth.

 

What's the difference between a Porsche and a Hedgehog. All the pricks are on the outside with a hedgehog.

 

 

 

 

[Snargfargle]

I'm glad the sign up ahead says slow children because the fast ones are harder to hit.

 

 

[Admiral_Karasu]

31 minutes ago, Snargfargle said:

I'm glad the sign up ahead says slow children because the fast ones are harder to hit.

 

 

I can see a children's birthday party clown telling this joke.

[Wolfswetpaws]

8 hours ago, Admiral_Karasu said:

8 hours ago, Snargfargle said:

I'm glad the sign up ahead says slow children because the fast ones are harder to hit.

I can see a children's birthday party clown telling this joke.

Because David Carradine is unavailable?  🙂 
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072856/
 

[Snargfargle]

Supervisor: Well, did you find anything amiss when you were at the job site?

Ladies: Yes, we took a trip to the bathroom and discovered that we are so going to have "helmet hair" this evening.

[Bryan Handy]

The other day my buddy asked why I divorced my wife.

I told him, "One big reason was because she was way too loud in bed."

He asked, "Was that such a problem that you needed to end things?"

I said, "Yeah, I could hear her from 2 houses away."

----------------—---------

I'm in the middle of a long and messy divorce and I've decided that suicide is the only way out …

Now all I need to do is talk her into it.

-------------------------

Sounds like where my ex and I were 30 years ago. We both decided to bury the hatchet, but argued fiercely whether it should be in her chest or mine.

--------